They always said I was a dreamer.
It must be true, Because I've always loved sleeping.
Fuckkkk its only day two “Barley the morning btw” & I already miss my Ashy like fucking crazy. I was googling a shit ton of things & just out of nowhere i start typing in her name in the search bar. I miss her so badly): right meow we’d be cuddling. Also i noticed that im overly horny assssss fucc meow. I just want her to come home so i can lay her on my bed & take her panties off & just kiss & lick my cuties pussy); I miss her.. Her nommynom taste. The way she plays with my hair when im under the covers. Im afraid that when she gets back from Hawaii that I will be too overwhelmed from missing & thinking about her all week that ill just go crazy on her from sexual frustration. It feels really good to feel this lustful over my babygirl, Im even more crazy now than i was before she became mine. I just want her to come back home so i can give her kisses && loves): i miss my little girl so fucking muchhhhhhhh fuccing ayyyyy ]:
I feel so lonely, & So when I do I call my Ashy. God I feel so blessed to have my cutie. Her mom always wants her aroundd though, & Yeah I get it. I don’t mind it, But then again it’s kind of a problem when I want her around all the time too. I cannot get her. I understand I mean i’m sure she wants time for herself toooo everyone always needs her for something. I just miss her though.. It’s friday night.. I want to go out somewhere with her. Anywhere idc really as long as shes content & as long as I can see her but I cant though:/. I really NEED her sometimes just for 3minutes to say something important & she cant even pick up because all the stuffs she needs to do. I wish I could be like my brother. He doesn’t need anything or anyone. He’s not happy I guess you can say, But at least he doesn’t let bullshit decay away his mind & soul. I have a best friend but I barley tell her anything that bugging me because she’s so busy that I rather not waste any time I do get with her just bitching & complaining. I wonder if she thinks of me as much as I think of her. It’s like any little thing I see reminds me of her. I play guitar when I get sad or want to pass time & that’s becoming a problem because everytime I pick it up I just start thinking of her O.o over & overr again. I also really miss my friend Allan. We used to have so much fun going up & down everywhere. He’s always busy now too, & when hes not he wants to go out “ballin” & anyone who knows me knows i’m not like that. I’m always gasping to inhale smoke like air, Trying to create an escape that isn’t there & that doesn’t really satisfy. When she holds onto me I take a deep breath in her neck. I know i’m going to miss her scent later. The sweet taste of her lips. The way her skin feels on my finger tips. The way her eyes pierce into mine. I feel obsessed & possessed… & those feelings make me feel alone too. I need to regain control of my needs & wants & desires.. Until then I’m afraid i’ll keep feeling like a lone wolf always howling at the moon at night.. I was okay being alone for a year. I mean yeah I was torn at the seams but at least I didnt crave this girl whos like a drug. I just feel like I’m coming undone again. I just want to mean something again. I’m tired of being nothing. Nobody to everyone. She makes me feel high. I think all these feelings are just stupid illusions my mind creates because I notice I abuse anything that feels good. I just want to feel good because i’ve felt like shit for so long. I smoke like a volcano because I really abuse anything that feels like heroin. I’m tired of drugs so I turned to love the opposite of what one of my idols did but now I see why he chose drugs instead. Drugs are there & anywhere I want them to be. But honestly they don’t stop me from feeling lonely. They dont keep my desires in check. I never been one to fucc around, & the last time I tried that I felt so dirty. I just want to become a man that is stable & that has his head on right so that I can take what I want & keep it with me always to myself. I’m just afraid that since I lost my head that maybe I’ll lose my heart next & i’ll grow cold & bitter before I can take the chance to become the type of man I want to become. But hey.. Who ever said life was fair… Right?
I’m tryingg, I really Am.
I’m amazing, I’m really not.
I’m done with Crying, I really am.
I’m dying, I really am.
I’m happy, I’m really not.
I know where I’m going, I really don’t.
I remember where I’ve been, I really don’t… I really don’t.
I don’t feel like waking up tmrw, I really don’t..